When I was growing up I fought with my parents constantly. My mom liked to tell me that I was sweet until I turned 12. Not once did my parents sit down and talk to me. Not once did they ask me how I felt about something. I would say horrible things, they would say horrible things, and then what? NOTHING, they would just ignore it until everyone forgot about it and pretend like nothing ever happened. I am grown now with kids of my own and I still think about the times my parents were hurtful, the nights spent in my bed, staring at the ceiling, just wishing so hard that my mom or dad would come in and say they were sorry. They never did. I still hold a lot of resentment today. Those hurts have never gone away.
There is a bright side to this for it has taught me to constantly talk to my children. To apologize for every rash word I speak to them. To hug and kiss them every single day and never let them sleep without knowing that I love them. My last words to them every night after stories and teeth brushing are, “I love you guys” EVERY SINLGE NIGHT, without fail.
I wish I could get their father to do the same thing. He was raised in a totally screwed up house. He was physically and sexually abused by his father for much of his younger years. After walking in on his mother in a compromising position with another man, she left him and his 3 other siblings with their father, in a strange country. After she left he was put in boarding schools from age 12-18. This has turned him into a man who is incapable of showing love or his feelings. He doesn’t hug his kids and tell them he loves them. If he upsets them or says something stupid to them he never apologizes. He just ignores it until it goes away. Which I know doesn’t happen it just gets stuffed.
I keep telling him, begging him to talk to his kids. They adore him. They irritate him. Last night they asked him to take them outside and play ball with them, he yelled and gave his standard, “I’m BUSY!!” He’s always busy. I wish I could make him step back and see what he is doing to his kids. I think they would prefer a couple hours of play time with their dad to a new video game any day.
The reason I am posting this in Teen Suicide Talk is to hopefully make parents open their eyes and realize how important they are to their kids. Parents need to bond with their kids. Talk to them about how they feel and what is going on in their lives. I think this has a direct relation to a childs sense of well-being. When you don’t like the way they are acting is probably when they need you the most. Don’t be to busy. Don’t let them fo to sleep without knowing how much you love them.
