I’ve got 2 kids in middle school and the stress and peer pressure they are faced with at such a young age scares me. The internet has added a terrifying new layer to the bullying kids must face at this nerve- wracking time of self discovery and growth. I read an interesting article in Psychology Today
The recent publicized suicides of Phoebe Prince and Hope Witsell illustrate the worst case effect of slut-bashing. Slut Bashing, a form of bullying characterized by insults aimed at a girl’s actual or perceived sexual behavior to shame, degrade and quickly dehumanize the victim, is a topic rarely discussed. In fact, many adults carelessly toss around words such as whore and slut without giving much consideration to the damaging effect they can have.
The use of a word such as “slut” polarizes girls into two categories, good girls and bad girls. It’s the Madonna/Whore Complex, the Ho vs. Housewife. “Good girls” aren’t sexually active (at least not outside of a committed relationship) while “bad girls” express themselves sexually. There is no in-between and thus any girl is at risk of being branded with the “bad girl” label. Victims can be anyone, including girls who develop early, turn down male attention, receive a lot of male attention, enjoy sexual activity, girls who are an outsider, a rape victim, and on and on.
It is a double standard. Teenage boys are expected to express themselves sexually. People expect them to pursue and enjoy sexual exploration. Teenage girls are not and can live in fear that similar expressions of sexuality could lead them to being called a slut. Take sexting, for example. A study from the Pew Internet & American Life Project indicates that boys and girls sext at similar rates (4% of teens report sending sexts, 15% report receiving sexts). However, it’s usually the girl’s photo that is spread around leaving the girl’s reputation tarnished in the time it takes to press ‘SEND’.
Suicide is a rare and extreme result of this type of abuse, but there are countless other outcomes which are more subtle. While many parents would prefer not to think about it, a goal of adolescence is to become sexually healthy adults. Teenagers need to learn how to assert themselves sexually, talk about sex with their partner, ask for what they want, say no when they are uncomfortable and protect themselves from STD’s and pregnancy. This becomes harder to do because a girl may fear taking charge of her sex life if she is perceived as bad or undesirable. These words have a lasting effect on boys as well. It can be detrimental to a boy’s future adult relationships if he has a deep seeded belief that women with sexual histories, or who are sexually assertive are bad. Read More
