My precious II by *The1stGrape on deviantART
Opening the Lines of Communication
If you want to be treated like an adult, then you have to act like one. People will ignore you if you throw tantrums. Don’t be accusatory–no matter how wrong you may know they are. This means addressing problems in the following format (which is great for negotiating with parents or addressing any problem or confrontational situation):
“I feel (insert emotion here) when/that you (insert action here) because (your reasons). Please (insert what you want to happen here).” Example: “I feel upset that you gave me a B+ on this paper because I worked very hard on it and think I deserve an A. Would you please reconsider this grade or at least tell me what I can change next time to get an A?” Approach you parents at a time when you think they are open to listening to you. Don’t ask them when they are rushing out the door because they are late for work. Say “Mom (or Dad), I have something really important to discuss with you.” You won’t be able to get everything you want, but you’ll feel better knowing that you tried your very best. And just like the New York Lotto “Cause hey–you never know.” unless you try, that is. Try to see things from the other person’s perspective.
Parent Divorce
It’s normal for kids to feel angry, hurt, guilty, sad, and scared about the future when they find out that their parents are getting a divorce. Suddenly you’re faced with all of these questions about where you’ll be living and who’ll be living with you. Your lifestyle is about to change forever–pretty scary stuff. It’s also normal for kids to feel relieved, glad, and really ANY OTHER WAY. This is okay. All feelings are allowed, okay, and acceptable. Feelings by themselves are never bad; what you do with those feelings, though, can be healthy or unhealthy. It’s important for kids to find healthy outlets for their anger and aggression. Punching pillows is okay; punching people is not okay. Kicking stuffed animals is okay; kicking real animals is not okay. Don’t take your anger or aggression out on other people or on animals. Crying is okay, too. Some kids find that keeping a private, secret journal that nobody else will ever read helps them deal with their feelings. Some kids take up karate or running to deal with their feelings. You can probably think of many other healthy, positive ways to express your emotions.
Talking with somebody often lessens the pain. You can talk to a parent, a family friend, a teacher, or anybody else that you enjoy talking to. It can be difficult to talk at first, but talking sure can make you feel better. There are also adults out there who are trained to talk with people about their problems. These people are called social workers and psychologists. Maybe you can talk to one of them.
When parents get divorced, it doesn’t mean that they stop being parents and it definitely DOESN’T MEAN THAT THEY STOP LOVING THEIR CHILDREN! Even when a parent moves really far away, he or she is still a kid’s parent! Parents are still parents when their children are adults. Once you are somebody’s parent, you are always somebody’s parent. It’s important to remember that it’s NEVER A CHILD’S FAULT THAT THEIR PARENTS ARE GETTING A DIVORCE. No two divorces are exactly the same because the reasons people get divorced are so different. There are lots of different reasons. One thing that is for sure, though, is that kids are never the reasons that parents get divorced. It wasn’t something you did or didn’t do. But just like you didn’t do anything to cause the divorce, you can’t do anything to get your parents back together, either. Sometimes parents work things out and get back together, but most of the time this doesn’t happen. Trying to act extra good or extra bad to get your parents back together is not going to work.
Life doesn’t always go the way you want it to and some times are worse than others. Your parents may start dating again and meeting new people. They may even get remarried, which means that you may have a stepmom or stepdad or even stepbrothers and stepsisters. This can be really tough for you, but if you learn how to ask for help when you need it and try to accept or maybe even like the things that you cannot change, you could have two loving families instead of one.
